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Monday, July 18, 2011

Dreaming of You

It makes me sad to know that I will never get to be a part of the insanity that would be Celine's wedding.  Last night I had a dream about that wonderful kind of insanity.  It was exactly how I would imagine her wedding would be.  The bridal party was large and I wasn't included in it directly, but I was still expected to be there to help; her dress was a dollop of white glitter fitted to her exact specifications and we were aboard a flying cruise ship.  Yes, no expense was spared for the youngest of her family and she was borderline bridezilla in a fun way, the fun way that pushed me to my limits and forced me out in the the great world to become someone a little different than I am now.

I am honestly sad that I will not ever get to see this dream become reality.  I know that, although I would likely have to give up a portion of my life for a month or so, it would be worth it and I would inevitably enjoy it.  I would learn to roll with the punches again, I would laugh, I would cry and in the end I would come home changed just a little, because that's how Celine and her mother effected me.  I miss that and every time I think about it, I am heart sick over the thought that I did something to offend them, or something to make them never want to talk to me again.  I still to this day have no idea what that something was.  I wish I did because I could apologize for it.  Not that it would do me any good, but I would at least feel better. 

Two years later and I still dream about a crazy friendship that I treasure.  I don't like losing friends, so I hold on to them in my dreams, hoping one day for their return.  Perhaps for a wedding on cruise ship in the clouds.

Monday, July 11, 2011


I could sit and listen to the rain fall all night.  The patter of each drop accompanied by a tympani of thunder.

If I could, I would be in it, or at least close to it.  Perhaps in a chair on a patio, watching as the lightning illuminated the world. Blue flashes reflecting off the curves of each cloud.  Showing a brief glimpse of the world now shrouded in darkness. 

My heart is sick, and the slow trickle of a midnight storm seems to be it's one comfort.  Where I am and what I must do makes no differences here.  Every drop consoles my battered soul.  They tell me it's alright, your bravery is not needed here. 

I could cry if I wanted but the sky has taken up that mantle and allowed me a moment of peace.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

No news is good news?

Sometimes I think that no news is bad news.  If all you've had is bad news in the first place then it means nothing has changed.  I have no real news to report. 

I have been on vacation for the last week and it's been awesome.  I got to have fun with many of my friends since I actually had time to do it.  Most importantly though, I finished the rainbow blanket!  The 5 month project has been officially finished.  It's beautiful and I will miss it.  I already feel weird not having it on the sofa next to me and not working on some part of it while watching TV.  But I'm so proud of it and I will be even more proud when I get to hand it over to little Matt.  :)  I hope it means as much to him and his littler girl as it has meant to me to make it.  Now lets see if I'm smart enough to figure out how to post a picture in here. :D 

After finishing the blanket, I knew that I wanted to start my next costume and this week off has allowed me to get a good bit done.  It has two main pieces, the dress and an apron.  The apron is almost finished now. I just have to finish the shoulders then attach the top to the bottom.  After that it's just the embellishments like the ribbon I want to go around it and sewing on the little heart buttons.  Then it's on to the main dress.  That will take much longer.  But hey, one piece is essentially out of the way.

Now for the pictures.  I'll only put up two.