It makes me sad to know that I will never get to be a part of the insanity that would be Celine's wedding. Last night I had a dream about that wonderful kind of insanity. It was exactly how I would imagine her wedding would be. The bridal party was large and I wasn't included in it directly, but I was still expected to be there to help; her dress was a dollop of white glitter fitted to her exact specifications and we were aboard a flying cruise ship. Yes, no expense was spared for the youngest of her family and she was borderline bridezilla in a fun way, the fun way that pushed me to my limits and forced me out in the the great world to become someone a little different than I am now.
I am honestly sad that I will not ever get to see this dream become reality. I know that, although I would likely have to give up a portion of my life for a month or so, it would be worth it and I would inevitably enjoy it. I would learn to roll with the punches again, I would laugh, I would cry and in the end I would come home changed just a little, because that's how Celine and her mother effected me. I miss that and every time I think about it, I am heart sick over the thought that I did something to offend them, or something to make them never want to talk to me again. I still to this day have no idea what that something was. I wish I did because I could apologize for it. Not that it would do me any good, but I would at least feel better.
Two years later and I still dream about a crazy friendship that I treasure. I don't like losing friends, so I hold on to them in my dreams, hoping one day for their return. Perhaps for a wedding on cruise ship in the clouds.
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